I went to my first foster home at 3 – I don’t really know why – but they said my mom wasn’t stable. Over the next 3 years I was in and out of foster homes until I was about 7 when my grandparents took me in. My grandfather physically abused me constantly. And finally after 3 years, I was taken from my grandparents and put back in foster care. When I was 12 I moved into a building where there were many kids, I think it was some kind of shelter which I thought was ok. There were about 3 more foster homes and then finally, at 14 I was allowed to move back in with mom! I was super excited to be living with her. I lived with her for about 4 months and then I became pregnant by my mother’s boyfriend, who was 15 years older than me. My mom told me to hide my pregnancy from everyone, even my caseworker, my family and my friends.
I had my son Anthony in July 2006. My boyfriend, Anthony’s father, was with me at the hospital and we were trying to make it look like he was just my cousin. But the nurses got suspicious when my mom put his name on the birth certificate. So, I was questioned by the police and when I told them he was the dad they took him away to prison. He is still in prison to this day. I didn’t understand at 14 why he had to go to jail. I didn’t think it was rape.
I was put back in foster care, this time with my son Anthony. And for the first year of Anthony’s life we were in 3 different foster homes.
Then I was placed with the Wilson family and I met my CASA volunteer Lynn. When my CASA volunteer first called me, I said thanks but no thanks. I didn’t like the system, I already had social workers and therapists – I didn’t need anybody else.
But my CASA Lynn didn’t give up on me and eventually talked me into to meeting with her. From that first day she really showed me that she cared, she listened to me and gave me advise – she never once made me feel stupid. After that first day, Lynn came to see me every week, we would talk and she would help me with Anthony and tell me stories about when her kids were babies. Most of all she helped me understand what I needed to do as a mother and how I could provide for Anthony. After a while, I really felt like she was my friend. She stood by me, and together with the Wilson family, I learned that I could trust other people because my CASA and the Wilson’s kept their word on everything and they expected me to keep my promises too. Something I had stopped doing a long time ago.
My CASA volunteer Lynn always talked to me about school. She told me I had to do it and encouraged me, she called my guidance counselor and she really wouldn’t let me get away with slacking off. She encouraged me when I was tired, or grumpy or just being lazy. Her belief in me paid off – I am 18 years old, still living with the Wilsons, and I got to walk down the aisle at graduation last June. It was one of the proudest moments of my life and Lynn and the Wilson’s were right there waiting for me after the ceremony.
Now I am going to Gloucester County Community College for early childhood development. I want to help other kids with special needs.
I sometimes imagine what would have happened to me and Anthony if I had never met my CASA. Would I have turned out like my mother, started drugs or never went to school. If I had met my CASA sooner – would I have turned out different?
I know one thing for sure, one thing that my CASA Lynn taught me that I can do, I am going to make a better home for my son and I will break the cycle of abuse. My little boy Anthony will never be awakened in the middle of the night by his mom, high as a kite and screaming. He will never have to live in foster homes and wonder why he only gets to see his mom twice a month when other kids see their mom every day. I am breaking the cycle of abuse that my grandparents and parents showed me. But I didn’t do it alone. My CASA volunteer Lynn and the Wilson’s showed me that I could make a better life for myself and my son, they showed me what love, trust and family truly means - and I am so lucky to have my CASA and the Wilson’s in my life.